The whole family was a waste of space yesterday. The boys were on screens all day and I was in and out of consciousness watching Dickinson and NCAA basketball. We ordered DoorDash twice. Once for pancakes and pitas and another for sushi and dumplings. Like Petey says, another cycle of get fucked up and recover, I am regretful. I spent most of Friday evening drinking 5% ABV gluten free beer at a measured pace of one per hour. However, when my wife got home from a seven hour bar sesh with her besty at 10:30 I decided to turn it up a notch. Not to try to be on her level but because I felt like I was allowed since she was blacked out. So I stayed up until 1:30 drinking alone after tucking in my wife around midnight. By doing this I ensured a worthless Saturday. We did force the kids to take a twenty minute break to work on reading and site words, but after that it was right back to watching people play video games on YT. The whole family was in bed by 9pm.
Now It’s almost 7 on a Sunday morning. My 8 year old son is playing a battle simulation game on the other laptop and my 6 year old boy is watching YouTube in the family room. Today will be better. I will finish my job related work, then do our taxes, then pack, then watch hoops. That should be enough.
I’ve always been consumed by honesty. I’m writing this blog because I want to speak my truth even when doing so makes me look like a scrub. I’m sick of a society that requires the constant presentation of your best self. This leads to lying. I see this all the time at work. You present the best narrative of what success looks like for your company in order to spur investment and a rise in the stock price. It’s not a total lie because you believe that if given the investment you will turn your future narrative into truth. That ethos then filters down to all levels of the company. You want to present a narrative to your boss that fits with the narrative to investors. You ignore the red flags and create a success story out of a fluke. Eventually the house of cards will fall if the foundation isn’t solid. If you’re not focused on building products that the customer wants and earning their trust by working cooperatively with them then you won’t succeed. I’ve voiced my strategy to the boss but it wasn’t well received. Instead of battling him I try to make it work within my purview, but I know that the company as a whole can’t survive unless we make some of these difficult changes. However, if I press continuously I think I’ll get fired. I’ve got a prime spot at the end of the cul-de-sac and if I lose this job I risk not being able to hook the family up with all the niceties we’ve come to expect. I crave a company that values truth and honesty. Currently it seems like we’re always trying to dupe everyone. I’m shitty at duping. So I’ll look for a new job that likely won’t pay as much as I make now. I’ll try to find a company that shares my idealism. Capitalism with a conscience. It’s out there somewhere.
The Family Record 