Tag: pregnancy

The Baby Girl that Wasn’t

6/7/2019 – Friday

I’m sitting in the surgical lounge on the 3rd floor at the hospital. Mom just had what’s called a D & C to clear up the area where a baby is supposed to grow. We found out a few days ago that the baby that was supposed to be 9 weeks along in her belly had stopped growing at 6 weeks and no longer had a heartbeat. The doctor just talked to me and said everything went well and I’ll be back to see her in a half-hour. So now we hit the reset button. 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage according to our doctor. It’s sad, but shit happens. We move forward. If we want to try again, we will. If we don’t or can’t, we won’t. It’s that simple.

This illuminates what a blessing life is. It doesn’t come easy and we’re already lucky enough to have two of the most awesome dudes around in you two. Your mom is the studliest of all the studmuffins. It’s her body that has to go through all this. I know it’s harder on her than anyone, but she’s tough, she’ll move on. I was thinking yesterday about how cool it is that mom cares so much. I remember when I first met her it was a little overwhelming. I couldn’t believe this fun, beautiful person wanted to be around me so much. Then I noticed that she always brings people together, which is so difficult. She cares about everyone and can always be counted on. This will hurt for a little bit, but we’ll take care of each other, and we’ll count the blessings we have. There’s always something to be thankful for when you’re lucky enough to be breathing air on this planet.

Whatever happens along our journey in life, good and bad, we keep going. Because we’re alive! And you boys are guaranteed unconditional love from Mom and I forever. That means no matter what you do that is shitty or great, you’ve got love from us two regardless. We’ll be home soon and we’ll chow down because Mom hasn’t eaten since last night so she is going to be one hungry hippo!

Mother’s Day

5/12/19 – Sunday – Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day. That’s the first thing I said to mom when she joined me and the kids in the basement a smidge after 8am. The boys and I were enjoying Clif bars and watching Vampire Weekend perform on Friday night’s Jimmy Kimmel. We had her presents and cards ready for her to open. She got a new band and battery for her Shinola and a fancy scale. Her weight has been inching upward so it was time for a not so gentle reminder to get that shit in check. Haha. Actually, the old scale has been giving some odd read outs lately and I’ve been telling her to stop freaking out about the scale and that it’s only a number and all that. It was the source of an argument earlier in the week so I thought the scale would be a good way to bury the hatchet. Plus she’s pregnant, so she’s going to want to monitor the upward poundage.

Oh snap, I buried the lead. Yes kids, mom is pregnant. But you don’t know it yet. Today we told Mimi and Poppa and Nana. We’re going to wait to tell you until after the first doctors appointment. We’re doing this because if something bad were to happen we couldn’t bear to see your sadness. And we really couldn’t bear telling you. So, fingers crossed all goes well and we’ll be telling you in a few weeks. I’m excited and nervous to bring some more offspring to the world. You’ll be great big brothers.

I was ansty all day today. I’m blaming the second cup of coffee I had in the morning before we went to church. I couldn’t relax. I think no matter how much I did it would’ve felt like it wasn’t enough. As always it was a huge hassle getting the boys out of the house. Nobody was listening, I was running around with my hand in the air threatening spankings like I was doing a jazz dance number. Mom was annoyed I wasn’t moving fast enough. Plus with it being her day she shouldn’t be the one to have to kick it in to overdrive to get us in the car. I finally get you both on the front porch and H pisses his self. I’d been so pumped when H pooped on the potty earlier I decided it was no pull up time, even at church. Mom: “You sure?”. Me: “Yup. He’s a big boy now.” Cut to mom changing him while I cower off to get J in the van.

At church I was kind of paying attention, but not feeling it as much as I normally do. I got glassy eyed when the Pastor mentioned his dead mom and talked about the mother hen as enforcer, protector, and doer of the family. But I didn’t drop any discernible tears like I normally would. Then after church we went to the neighborhood bar for brunch. Usually it’s pretty good but it took an hour for the food and they kept forgetting stuff. H pooped on the potty at the restaurant though!

You both fell asleep on the way home and while you were sleeping mom showed mimi the positive pregnancy tests. I recorded it. It was pretty funny. Mimi said: “You peed on these?”. Then I got some chicken marinating and went outside to do a little yardwork after Facetiming Nana to tell her the good news.

The real question is what should I be doing when I’m feeling anxious like today. The new house is much bigger so the yardwork will take a lot longer. I think I’m going to hire someone to do the yardwork though. There are better uses for all this anxious energy. Like writing. That’s what I’ll do. I’m going to change the names and make this more generic, then I’m going to start a WordPress site. I’m going to write 4-5 times per week, allot money for marketing, and keep pushing until I have enough visitors to generate advertising on my page. I’ll also start a sister site where I’ll post my crazy stuff from college. Yikes. Gonna have to tone that stuff down a bit. It’s called a side hustle and I need one that doesn’t involve house projects. Right now I’m going to get started on season seven of Game of Thrones. The hardcore tenacity will have to wait. But it will be done!!